relics_on winter blues, demon children and being the grand dame of hot chocolate construction

Sometimes all you need is hot melty marshmallows and ice-cream infused milk.

So it is almost winter again and up here in the Sky Castle we have two temperatures: ‘Sweet Jaisis this is like being in a damn sweat shop’ and ‘Creeping Jaisis I think hell has frozen over’. Right now it is the second of the two. That is the price we pay for living in a draughty listed building, but comme ci comme ça, this is of no consequence to you.

I have been toying with a blog that I wrote three weeks ago about my strong dislike of children. Every few days I reread it, tinker a bit, then leave, as every draft makes me come across as a sanctimonious, self serving know it all and/or a psychopathic child hater. Neither of which I am (not totally anyway). Most women are born to be mothers; I am not one of these women. Children, as a sub-species, generally disgust me. Working in retail for the last two and a half years has taught me that the majority of children are horrible, little germ factories. I am not a child friendly person.

Of course I am not an evil witch either. I don’t wish for the eternal banishment of all children because that would be repugnant; and you know, some of my friends have children and I’m sure if they thought that I thought that I would never see them again! So yes even though I despise a high percentage of them, there are children that I have grown quite fond of and I may go as far as to say that I love them (looking at you here goddaughter!). But do I want one (or more) for myself? No. Not now and presumably not ever. I would never say never (because I hate having to eat my words) but even from a very young age I never wanted to be a mother, preferring the company of books to that of baby dolls and barbies. So I have abandoned that blog so I don’t alienate the friends I have that either have little beasts or are currently cooking one at the moment. Let’s just leave it at: the offspring of friends are cool and they amuse me greatly…all other children can go to hell you horrible snot nose, spoiled little devil spawns.

Now, as I have abandoned my child-dislike rhetoric I was stumped for what to write about, my brain still is a tad mushy from last weeks bout of flu. That was until I posted a photo on instagram/facebook (you can find me as ‘frogmellaink’ on either) of my hot chocolate and folks went wild. Not to blow my own trumpet here but I do make a damn fine HC and even went as far as to give myself the moniker ‘Grand Dame of Hot Chocolate Construction’. Something about the oozy pink and white flumps and melting round the edges ice cream sent people into a tizzy, so I decided to share with the world my secret to making the lushest hot chocolate known to man (or the diabetic coma if you are that way inclined). This is not a secret I share lightly and a word to the wise: this is a special HC for wondrous occasions. I would not recommend having more than one a week as you don’t want to over do it and get bored of them!

This is what you need:


Cocoa Powder


Vanilla Ice Cream

Chocolate Ice Cream

Marshmallows (Mini ones are best or chop up some flumps)

A decent sized mug

Microwaveable Jug

This is how you do it:

1] Measure out the milk so there is about an inch of space at the top of your mug, then swoosh the milk into the jug and bang it in the microwave for 3.5-4 mins (depending on the power in your magic heating box – basically you want it hot hot hot)

2] In the bottom of your now empty mug add 1 tsp cocoa powder and 2tsp sugar and mix

3] By now your microwave should have binged so pop the milk out and add a scoop of the vanilla ice cream and stir until it melts.

4] Add a small amount of the milk to your cocoa mix and stir until it is a smooth, lump free paste, then slowly add the rest of the milk, stirring as you go until it is all wonderfully combined.

5] Grab a handful of mini marshmallows and put them on top, using a spoon push them under the HC so they get a good covering. You want to have enough ‘mallows so that they become a small heap on top. Now sling the mug back in the microwave and blast for a further 30 seconds. This starts the ‘mallows on the road to oozy, gooey goodness.

6] Finally add a scoop of chocolate ice-cream to the top of the marshmallow mountain. This will slowly melt and sink though them into the HC creating an extra indulgent layer of wonder

7] Serve. With a spoon.

And there you have it Grand Dame Farquharson’s Hot Chocolate Construction for the strong willed and cold hearted!



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